Ask Her More

I want to love #AskHerMore. I really do. But I only sort of like it. Why do women have to choose between being intelligent and being beautiful? It’s very possible for women to be smart, inspiring, funny, successful, and LOVE fashion and beauty. That’s coming from me sitting in my pink fuzzy robe and blue fuzzy pajamas desperately in need of a root job and some blemish cream because my skin does not love red wine as much as my taste buds. If I never had to get out of my pajamas again, I’d be very happy. But, boy do I love a red carpet!

Cate Blanchett called out a cameraman last year for scanning her dress from top to bottom asking him, “Do you do that to the guys?” I’m reasonably sure, not 100%, that a tuxedo is not nearly as exciting as  the dresses. You can be sure that if Blanchett is at an awards show that she will surely be on a best-dressed list. I’m also reasonably sure, though not 100%, that it is not an accident.

So what’s wrong with noticing? What’s wrong with asking? Obviously you put the effort in. Shouldn’t you be happy that we noticed? But it goes further than that. You’re robbing people by wanting to take away from the fashion, you know, the fashion you happen to be wearing.

I love the Oscars. I love that there are people who made their dreams come true. Every actor and actress walking the red carpet represents a dream whether it was the guy who wrote a screenplay that took twenty years to be made, the make-up artist with a glitter-filled childhood, a hairdresser who believed hair was a creation, or the kid with stars in her eyes who later became a Jennifer Lawrence or a Lupita Nyong’o.

They are all part of making magic and that includes designers who break their backs in fashion houses all hoping to become a name, all dreaming of the day that it will be their name coming out of one of those famous  and impeccably made-up mouths on a red carpet.

So yes, ask her more.  Ask her about who inspires her. Ask her what made her pick the film she is nominated for though I don’t know that any actress that will say, “because I thought this one would be box office gold and get me an Oscar.” Ask her more but let’s stop pretending that we don’t love beautiful things. Let’s not pretend as they walk down the red carpet that we’re not all sitting at home admiring dresses, hair and glittery diamonds. Let’s not pretend that we’re also not cringing at some of the choices, because, hello, we are. And we are talking about it. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Let’s stop making it a choice. Throw out the rule book that says beauty is a bad thing or that love of fashion is shallow. Let’s ask her more but let’s let her tell us who she’s wearing because some kid spent a childhood dreaming of this day just as much as she did. When she’s up there accepting her Oscar, it isn’t just the writers, directors, or her agent that deserve thanks. It’s all of those little people behind that look that she’s offended you’re asking about. Don’t make it a choice. She looks fabulous but she didn’t do that all on her own. Ask her who she’s wearing, because it matters!

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